WINFREY: The idea of being every woman. You know, like Chaka Khan sang, “I’m every woman. It’s all in me.”
The message has always been the same: that you are responsible for your life. Now we’ve evolved into talking about how to live your best life. That’s the theme of my magazine. That’s also the intention of every show–to get people to take charge. To get people to realize that things are not just happening to them willy-nilly.
I know. I noticed that in the “Remembering Your Spirit” segments on the show. Regardless of who we’re talking to, they have a candle lit. Every single person. There was a woman sitting beside the stove paying her bills, and there was a candle on the stove. Nobody pays their bills with a lit candle!
Get real, right? I’m with ya. We need to pull that back, so we don’t end up being a caricature of ourselves. That sort of thing was good in the beginning, when we needed to spell out our message. But now let’s evolve to the next level. Your holiest moments, most sacred moments, are often the ones that are the most painful. And we need to get with that. You know, feel some spirit when you’re sitting there arguing with your husband and your children.
I wasn’t too controlling.
I needed to be involved. When you get me, you are not getting an image, you are not getting a figurehead. You’re not getting a theme song. You’re getting all of me. And I bring all my stuff with me. My history, my past. Mississippi, Nashville. I’m coming with the sistahs in the church, I’m bringing Sojourner Truth with me. And then there we all are, sitting up in your meeting, at your table, with the marketing directors.
What has been an advantage–even though some people might not consider it an advantage–is the fact that I had no magazine experience. Zip. Zilch. None. Zero. And so I came in with an open mind about what could and could not be done. And I still maintain an open mind. At first people said, “You can’t put the table of contents there.” After a while they just said, “OK, Oprah, where would you like it?”
I don’t read much negative mail anymore because it doesn’t do me any good. It used to be that I had to read negative mail and track people down. The slightest thing would get me going, and I’d have to find Mary in Oregon and call her up and talk about what she wrote. That was during the days when I wanted everyone to like me. And now I don’t read tabloids and most press anymore. I’ll probably read this.
You cannot create an atmosphere where your employees know that they can be bought, that they can sell you out–where your staffers are open to being approached all the time for money for stories that can then be distorted. If people were just going to tell the truth and it was about freedom of speech, that’s one thing. But when you add money into the picture, it becomes completely different.
Everybody makes such a big deal about this issue with me. But every person I know who is a public figure has people sign confidentiality agreements. You have to have some level of protection. For a long time I was like you–you know, just let them do it. And Stedman would say to me, “That has been one of your biggest problems, Oprah, all through your life. You don’t protect yourself. You don’t set up boundaries.”
I don’t think of myself as a good businesswoman. I am a person who is aware of what my purpose is and what my gifts are. And what I teach is that if you are strong enough and bold enough to follow your dreams, then you will be led in the path that is best for you. The voices of the world will drown out the voice of God and your intuition if you let it. And most people are directed by voices outside themselves.
It is constant work staying on target and coming from a centered place. I meditate in the morning, in one form or another. Sometimes it’s a formal 10 minutes sitting quiet in a room. Sometimes I meditate with people here [at Harpo] after working out in the morning. But I have to, every day, find a place where I can physically allow myself to breathe, and be aware of the power of my own breath and what that represents–that I am alive and I am still here.
I have a glass of wine and a hot bath. I’ll show you my tub. My bath is my sanctuary. It’s the place where I can wash off all the stuff of the day. I soak in a hot tub and put on a nice pair of pajamas.
They are pashmina. Pajamas! That’s my thing! They help me separate from the day and relax. I have flannel and cashmere and silk, white and flowered. I love pajamas… I have a pajama collection. Dozens and dozens of pajamas.
No. That’s the one thing Stedman and I argue about. We argue about almost nothing. But the one thing we argue about is vision planning versus not planning. He is a goal setter. He can tell you literally what he’ll be doing a year from now. I bet you if I went and looked at his calendar, it would be all laid out. How long he’s going to work out, what and when he’s going to eat. Well, I am just none of that. I live moment to moment.
Just last week I was out walking the dogs, and this guy walks up to me, his name was Armand, and he says, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” So I say, “Sure.” And he says, " I know that you have difficulties going on with you and I know you’ve had troubles in your life, but you’ve made such a difference in my life. And I know you’ve made a difference in other people’s lives. And all I wanted to say is that I just wish you happiness." A total stranger, this man. And I said, “Thank you for that.” And he just walked away. It was like an angel, an intervention… I think it really is an amazing accomplishment that I, who grew up a little Negro child who felt so unloved and so isolated–the emotion I felt most as a child was loneliness–and now the exact opposite has occurred for me in adulthood. Usually people just move through the future carrying the weight of their past. But for me, things have come absolutely full circle. I feel embraced by people’s love. I think that is a tremendous gift.
Yes. And that will be the day I stop doing the show. I’ve always known that there will come a time when I will have said it all and no one wants to hear it anymore. What I keep trying to do is to keep evolving into other ways of being heard.
